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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871946">Always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxlfbloodprill/pseuds/hxlfbloodprill'>hxlfbloodprill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Depression, Forgive Me, I’m so sorry, One Shot, Sad Nico, Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:47:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxlfbloodprill/pseuds/hxlfbloodprill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, nico can’t seem to find happiness. Maybe disappearing will help. No one would miss him anyways.<br/>BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, THIS HAS SUICIDE PLEASE BE CAREFUL AS YOU READ.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey Lovely readers! Thank you so much for clicking this one shot, and i wanted to say now-<br/>THIS IS A SUICIDE ONESHOT. AND IS DETAILED. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL AS YOU READ IT. I DONT WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Perhaps he was invisible to them. He certainly felt that way. Maybe he had shadow traveled so much he had began to melt in it subconsciously. He watched as his friends laughed and enjoyed the light. He was the completely opposite. He was a dark and depressed son of Hades, destined to never be happy. As he stared at his half sister, head thrown back as she held onto Frank and a laugh leaving her lips. Jason and Piper deeper than Tartarus into conversation. Percy and Annabeth sharing a kiss, huge smiles across their face. He knew that that would never be him. His chest pressed to Percy’s as he had a small smile and a faint blush as Percy stared with all the love in the world into his obsidian eyes. He could only hope.<br/>
He thought back to when his life had completely changed. From the moment he met Percy, his life had gone downhill. Losing Bianca, having such a strong hatred and blaming Percy all because of how confused he felt. Was he madly in love with him or did he hate his guts? Or did he want to wish  every bad and evil thing upon him for everything he had lost? He looked at Percy, his sea green eyes and mischievous grin, his raven hair rumpled and reflective of the suns light.<br/>
After the Giant War, Nico had met Will Solace, son of Apollo. His sunshine in even the darkest days.<br/>
His feelings that he once been so absorbed into Percy were transferring to Will. After the three days he spent in that infirmary, he had thought he pushed away the feelings of Percy and was completely exclusive to Will. His blond hair, and tan skin. A spitting image of his father.<br/>
But, of course another person who wasn’t interested. After he had lost Will’s interest, he lost everyone else simultaneously. Percy had talked to him less and less, Hazel was so busy with Frank she couldn’t make time for him. Will was always in the infirmary, tending to campers. But as Nico thought about it, who would want to be around him anyways? He practically reeked of death, dark as the pit of Tartarus and carried so much sadness. He had experienced pain beyond his years, and had been through and seen so much.<br/>
It wasn’t until one day when he was walking to practice his sword fighting did he realize he was never really over Percy. He saw Percy.  Annabeth thrown over his right shoulder as they both laughed as they spun in circles, completely oblivious to the world outside their love and adoration of each other.<br/>
Nico felt a pang in his stomach, the pang of jealousy. He stood there and watched them, entranced and yearned for something like that with Percy. The hugs and kisses, the blush that crept to his face when he would see him. He wanted Percy to look at him the same way Percy looked at Annabeth.<br/>
But Percy was son of Poseidon, and was so bright and happy. Nico was son of Hades, dark and sad and would never be able to escape that fate.<br/>
He trudged back to his cabin, tears burning his eyes and he hastily wiped them away, in fear of anyone seeing them. And as he walked away, he heard Annabeth’s shrieks of delight and giggles of pure love and happiness.<br/>
That was his tipping point.<br/>
He walked faster to his cabin, and as he approached the cabin, he sprinted and slammed the door. He slid down the door, tears streaming down his pale  marble skin. He leaned into his knees, cradling them, and put his head into the crooks of his elbow, smelling the leather of his aviator jacket.<br/>
He felt his sword heavy at his side, and he looked up from his knees, and reached a shaking hand to grab the blade. Placing it on his bed and walking to the door to step onto his porch and watch the campers.<br/>
They would be better without him, no darkness would surround them if he wasn’t there. Surely his presence wouldn’t be missed and no one would even notice.<br/>
He shook as he walked into his cabin and sat on his bed, picking up his night black sword. It felt so heavy in his small and delicate hand.<br/>
He took deep breaths and whispered as tears streamed down his face.<br/>
“I’m so sorry father. I’m so sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. I hope you forgive me.”<br/>
He pulled out the note that he knew he would use one day. A note he had prepared so many weeks ago after the war.<br/>
He placed it on his pillow before he grabbed his sword and deeply cut his wrists, wincing at the temporary pain that would take away his eternal pain. A small price to pay.<br/>
He laid back and felt his blood dripping down his finger over the edge of the bed and forming a small puddle on the black floor. He smiled sadly and tears fell out of his eyes. Whispering his last words,” It’s always been you Percy. It’ll always be you.” His stygian iron sword stealing his last breaths. “Always,” he said finally and drifted into his eternal slumber.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. nicos note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>nicos suicide note he left <br/>PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Percy, Will and Hazel,<br/>you three have meant so much to me. Made these long and tortuous days easier to bare, but sometimes darkness wins. And i fell into it without a fight. I am reflecting on the time since i knew about my heritage to the very moment i took my life. The way my world was completely turned. Please do not blame yourself. I am more sorry than I have ever been, but I do not regret my decision. It is not your fault and there was nothing you could’ve done to stop me. I knew from learning of who my father was, that I was destined by the cruel fates for my life to end like this. I greeted Death with open arms, because there is nothing to fear from it. I walked into his cold and welcoming arms and left without a struggle. His arms were comforting, because I knew i was doing what was best. No regrets, no hesitation. I was ready to close this book of life. I’m not meant to be alive. I’m the son of Hades, I was meant to be in the Underworld, and if not, apart of it. <br/>This is for Will. The sunshine on the rainiest of days. My golden boy. I thought you were my everything. <br/>For Hazel. Who was so close to me that she felt like my real sister. Who helped me through the worst days. Always there for me. <br/>And for Percy. <br/>Your bright smile that made me gape in adoration. Your hair that I had always wanted to run my fingers through. To be held close by you. To tangle our legs together as we basked in the sun. You were my first love. My awakening of who I was. It’ll always be you Percy. Forever and always. I just wanted to be yours. But you would never feel the same way with me. That’s okay. Maybe staying as friends was for the best.<br/>Because I might not have ended my life, missing this beautiful and dark opportunity. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m sorry to cause pain, but I know my mom and my sister are waiting for me. And I just want to be in their arms, together again. As a family and even with Hades perhaps. The one thing I can hope for and it’s within reach. Something acquirable. <br/>I’m sorry. To spill my blood in the cabin of my father, in front of his statue and for you to discover me like this. With my sword in my hand and my hand limp over the bed. I’m sorry. You might not ever forgive me, but I know that I finally did something right. <br/>Nico Diangelo, Son of Hades, Ambassador of Pluto, Hero of Olympus.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you all enjoyed this. this was so hard to write. :((</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked it- but it was so painful to write :(( anyways, i’m thinking of publishing his suicide note, would you want to read it? Also, i’m gonna be writing some PJO and HoO oneshots (smut and fluff) so leave some request!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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